Fighting Fate
by ImNotCallingYouALiar
Summary: 'We were best friends, nothing more. Quil was free to do whatever the hell he wanted, with whoever the hell he wanted. I wasn't letting some crappy ancient magic dictate his feelings.' Claire has a plan; it might be entirely stupid and hurt the person she loves the most, but at least it's a plan. Right? (Claire/Quil) T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

_So at this moment in time I am addicted to Claire/Quil stories and thought what the hell I might as well right one of my own. I know I have lots of unfinished stories and lots of schoolwork but I just really want to share this story with you guys. Let me know what you think…_

When I was five I dreamed that my first kiss would be with the Prince from Cinderella. He would have galloped up to me on his black stallion and then swept me off my feet, literally. It would have been magical and perfect; a moment that would determine the rest of my life.

However, Paul being Paul told me fairytales were 'bullshit and if you believe that crap you'll never get anywhere in life.' Quil had broken his arm in three places. It was probably Paul's fault that I turned out to be the band tee wearing, sarcastic, foul mouthed person I am today. But that's a story for another day.

When I was eleven there was a gap toothed English boy in my grade that shared his cookies with me one break time and I was convinced he was going to marry me. I had drawn up the whole wedding in my head- the big white dress and the white chocolate fountain. Quil really hates English accents, but I could never work out why. Anyway Jeremy (the English boy) was about to kiss my one day when my Aunty Em found us behind the rocks on the beach. It was the closest I had ever come to kissing anyone, back then it had seemed so cruel to be denied something so blissfully perfect. And then to top it all off he just had to go and kiss someone else. He left a couple of weeks after the 'incident' as Embry calls it. I was glad.

When I was thirteen I suddenly developed this god like obsession with Seth. Quil _really_ did not like that. I don't know why I chose Seth. Maybe because he was the only one who took me seriously and didn't leave me out when they played baseball like the other guys did. Anyway that obsession only lasted three months before I realised Quil would give me the silent treatment every time I mentioned Seth's name and Seth would run anyway whenever he saw me coming.

Seth is the only one of my fascinations I still talk to, he teases me for it and I hit him. Alls fair in love and war I guess. His rejection crushed a tiny piece of my heart but of course I would never let him know that. Quil helped though with tubs and tubs of ice cream and his not so funny jokes. We grew closer in the aftermath of the Seth obsession- it was round about then he became more of a best friend than a guardian or a brother; I found myself telling him secrets I thought I would never unveil to anyone.

When I was fifteen I developed this obsession with Alex Gaskarth from All time Low. A man who wore skinnies and converse earned a well earned place in my heart. And he could play guitar. And he could sing. When Quil pointed out the age difference between us I didn't talk to him for a whole two hours; that was a lifetime in Quil and I's world.

And somewhere between then and turning seventeen I let go of Alex Gaskarth and instead turned to anyone with a pulse. Which was why when the unobtainable, airhead jock who slept around James fucking Dunkin made his way over to me, I let him kiss me. I do not know what the hell I was thinking.

I had always imagined my first kiss to be soft and gentle, something that would linger in my mind for decades as perfect. Instead, it tasted like fish. An overwhelming taste of fish that engulfed my entire being. It stunk. I had always hated fish after Colin and Brady forced me to eat squid for a dare. Quil had laughed.

Fighting the urge to vomit I ignored James as he put his hands in my hair and pulled me closer. Ew, god only knows where those hands had been. Reaching up I tried to pull his hands from my hair but he mistook it for passion and pulled me closer. In the back of my mind I wondered why the hell girls liked him? But then I realised I was the one kissing him. Glancing at the clock over his extremely large head I saw I only had half an hour to curfew. Thank God.

Then James moaned. Actually moaned, and pushed himself even closer to me if that was possible. I almost had a fit when he pushed his tongue inside of my mouth. Gross, it was all wet. Putting my hands on his chest I tried to push him backwards. Urgh. Swapping saliva was so not as romantic as people portrayed it to be- my mouth is my personal space, I don't want some jock's tongue inside of it!

I was really tempted to break his fingers; it was easy, I had practiced on Quil and Embry hundreds of times. But then I remembered they could heal in a matter of moments, where as fish boy couldn't. I gagged. Instead of breaking his fingers I jolted my leg up as hard as I could and smirked with satisfaction as he stumbled back cursing. Score. Quil had always told me to play dirty if I could see no other option.

Grabbing some water from the table I tried to rinse the taste of him from my mouth while bystanders watched on with amusement. James was doubled over in pain.

"See you all later," I smiled digging my hands deep in my jeans pocket and heading for the door.

"You _bitch_," James snarled. Turning around I flipped him off before continuing on my road to the door severely disappointed with my first kissing experience. Passing the dining room I peered in to see Jenna dancing on the table, guess she didn't need a ride home.

An unfamiliar warmth greeted me as I walked outside. Inhaling the fresh air I ignored the smokers dotted around the front garden and walked towards the familiar beaten truck idling at the kerb. Quil was waiting. Naturally.

I didn't expect him to get out and open the door for me, I had told him when I was about eight that it was embarrassing. He hadn't done it since, although sometimes I wished he would. As always my big fat mouth got the better of me.

Sliding into the truck I smiled widely and could not help but survey my best friend. His muscles were clenched as he gripped the steering wheel with his insanely big hands and he was frowning as if deep in thought. I had gotten used to his strange need to run around without a shirt on but could not stop my eyes from flickering down to his flat stomach and the V shape that disappeared into his shorts. His cropped hair made him look tougher than he really was and his brown eyes complimented his russet coloured skin perfectly. He was every girls dream; not that I would ever tell him that.

"Claire," he murmured turning to grin at me as I slammed the truck door closed, but then he stiffened.

Shit.

I hadn't even thought about the smell of fish boy on my clothes or in my hair. Uh-oh. Quil trembled slightly. Only slightly; but it was enough for me to know that he was angry, although I knew he would never phase with me so nearby.

"Did someone touch you?" he growled lowly still shaking. Sighing loudly for his benefit I shuffled around on the seat and put my feet up on the dashboard.

"Just drive Quil," I muttered rolling my eyes. He could be oh so melodramatic at times. Instead of turning the key he turned to face me, his face hard. I was terrified for fish boy's immediate future; if Quil and the guys got their hands on him it would not end well. They took over protective to whole new insanely terrifying level. No wonder guys didn't want to date me.

"Answer me Claire," his voice had taken on a menacing edge but I could hear the softness in it, the worry. As always he was putting me before him. Damn imprint; it was going to be the death of him, one day he would jump in front of a bus for me or something stupid. My heart clenched.

"Just drive Quil," I picked at a loose thread on my jeans, "and then I'll tell you."

He was silent- which meant he was pissed off- as he turned the key in the ignition. Rummaging around in my compartment of the truck I grabbed an elastic and pulled my hair up away from my face, all the while I could feel Quil's eyes on me. I waited until we were safely a couple of blocks away before turning to face him.

"I swear if anyone has laid a finger on you I'll break every bone in their body and then chop those bones up into-"

"Quil," I snapped silencing him, "I kissed him, _okay_? I kissed him."

The truck rolled to a halt at the side of a road as I held my breath waiting for him to explode. Instead, he just looked disappointed in me which seemed to cut even deeper than anger. I felt strangely dirty and ashamed, suddenly I didn't want Quil to know anymore. I hated disappointing him more than anything else in the world. It royally sucked, and I had screwed up _again_.

"I didn't know you liked someone," he muttered scratching at the back of his neck. Quil and I had told each other everything since I could talk. Well, mostly everything. Sometimes I had this nagging feeling that Quil still hid stuff from me.

"I don't," I murmured my face flushing red. I was just glad we were having the conversation in his truck instead of in Sam and Emily's living room where anyone could eavesdrop. My extended family were way too nosey for their own good, one day they were going to hear something they did just not want to hear.

"Then why?" He looked confused and to be honest I couldn't really blame him. My whole life if anything girly came up. Any emotional crap or any talk of my time of the month, all the guys would vacate the room immediately which was why I had known that Quil would never understand my desperate want to be kissed. Also he would never understand that I wanted my first kiss to be with him. But that didn't matter. We were best friends, nothing more, he was free to whatever the hell he wanted with whoever the hell he wanted. I wasn't letting some crappy ancient magic dictate his feelings. Either he fell in love with me while he thought I still had plainly platonic feelings and still wanted to be 'just' friends or else I could never bring myself to destroy his life however tempting it sounded at times.

"I just wanted to kiss someone," I shrugged not shying away from his intense stare, "is that so wrong?"

"Well," he coughed gruffly still scratching the back of his neck, "was it….nice?"

I muffled my laughter with my hand as my face blushed an even brighter red. 'Nice' was definitely not the word I would have used.

"N-no," I hiccupped with laughter, "it was absolutely fucking awful."

"Did he force himself upon you?" Quil returned to his serious self as he watched my hysterical laughter with wary eyes.

"No," I scrunched up my nose, "he tasted like fish! And I don't know about you but I do not like the thought of fishy saliva mixing with mine."

"Fish?" Quil repeated smirking a little, he looked almost pleased that I hadn't enjoyed it.

"Yes!" I threw my hands up in the air doubling over as Quil joined in the laughter, "I swear if every kiss is like that I will never, ever kiss anyone again."

Quil was suddenly silent.

"Not every kiss is like that," he murmured tilting my head up to look at him. My heart jumped unexpectedly in my chest. Damn hormones.

"And how would you know?" I stuck my tongue out at him trying to ignore the way his tongue darted out to lick his lips and the shining brown of his eyes.

"Because.." he leant forward, "I'm a great kisser."

I broke into another round of laughter before pushing him away. Quil turned the key in the ignition and stuck his own tongue out at me. Leaning over he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear before pushing down on the accelerator.

"Ice cream?" he grinned. Of course, always thinking about his stomach. I glanced at the clock and frowned.

"Curfew in ten minutes," I reminded him grabbing his free hand to keep warm. It was the one advantage to being surrounded by overly friendly wolfs, I was never cold. Rubbing circles on the back of my hand, he smiled down at me.

"Sam and Emily are away out with Kim, Jared, Paul and Rachel remember. Brady and Colin are looking after the kids," he winked at me, "I wont tell if you don't."

"Go on then," I smiled, "you know I cannot pass up on chocolate orange ice cream. But you're paying."

"Naturally," he rolled his eyes.

So on the night of my very first kiss I wasn't riding off into the sunset on a beautiful black stallion or curled up with someone on a sofa watching a movie, instead I was with my favourite person in the world going to my favourite ice cream shop to get my favourite ice cream. Squeezing Quil's hand I urged him to drive faster, still ignoring the irregular thumping of my heart.

_Thoughts?_


	2. Bikinis and Bravery

_Thank you all so much for your reviews, they are what encourage me to keep writing. Here is another chapter. As always the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer I just enjoy playing around with them. Enjoy.._

What's the point?" I murmured into the phone.

Frowning, I stood in front of the mirror as my eyes flickered from my multicoloured painted toenails to my frizzy, out of control hair. Every poster in my room seemed to be watching my every movement, it was unnerving. Quil often commented on how he couldn't cope with so many eyes watching him, I was beginning to understand what he meant.

"The _point_? The freaking point?" Wincing I held the phone a little way from my ear as I fell back onto my unmade bed, "I bet you look gorgeous right now. And besides the fact it is insanely sunny and.."

I rolled my eyes as I listened to the constant ramblings of one of my best friends. Ness was like a constant bubble of energy, despite the hundreds of miles between us I could almost see her bouncing on the balls of her feet, never pausing for breath as she spoke into the cordless phone. God, I missed her so much.

Nessie was my first ever friend. Quil had kept me away from her at first which of course had only heightened my desire to interact with the insanely pale girl who never spoke to anyone but Jacob. In those days I was all about disobeying Quil in order to get a reaction out of him other than ultimate devotion. It took me approximately four bonfires to get her to converse with me and then other two to get her to 'show' me things and ever since that I couldn't get her to shut up. We giggled over Jacob and Quil together. We practiced cursing like Paul in my bedroom. And she constantly criticised my so called 'lousy' outfit choices. It was like a stab in the back when she was wrenched away from me. I had become too dependent.

But even from Italy she could be annoying with her constant phone calls and packages donning labels such as 'Dior.' I was only just beginning to catch up with her in physical appearance but our thoughts often seemed knotted together, our problems intertwined. So of course I had phoned her to dish the dirt on my pathetic attempt at a first kiss with fish boy but I was still lying on my bed just over two hours later.

"Are you even listening to me?" Ness's sing song voice snapped me back to reality. Sighing I traced the tiny cracks on the white washed ceiling over and over again with my tired eyes.

"Sure," I murmured. My heart stuttered in my chest as the front door banged shut. They were home from patrol. I uncurled and curled my clothes in a desperate attempt to stay in my room and not go rushing out to greet them. I could never get used to the overwhelming relief that overcame me every time the guys returned home unharmed, complaining of a boring patrol.

"No you're not," Nessie's voice was all knowing, "but I'll let it slide this time. But you have to promise me you'll wear it. I want photographic evidence.""That's a little weird you know," I told her as I pushed myself back onto my feet again. I let out a hiss as I stubbed my toe off the side of my bed. Stupid wood.

"Claire," she moaned, drawing my name out for what almost seemed like an eternity until it almost sounded like a curse. Glancing in the mirror again I held back a groan. The tiny white bikini seemed too skimpy and showed curves which I had been hiding for years. It was so not me. I was more of a converse and shorts kind of girl.

"What's the point? When the guys see it they will get all macho and protective of their 'little claire bear'. I wont be allowed out of their sight for even a moment so how the hell am I supposed to flirt with anyone?"

"Just don't let them see it until the last possible moment." I could almost see the slight shrug of her shoulders that accompanied her words. She was so damn frustrating at times. On her side of the line I could hear the distinctively familiar sound of Jake's low voice. I wasn't surprised, he was almost permanently attached to Nessie's side. It would have been sweet if it wasn't slightly nauseating.

"It's not that simple-" I let out a high pitched scream as my room door burst open. Jenna stood in the doorway, her mouth hanging open.

"Crap," I hissed as I grabbed one of Quil's large sweaters to pull over my head, "Do you ever knock?" Jenna just continued to gape at me. Nessie giggled slightly on the other end of the line.

"_Damn_ girl," Jenna smirked as she slammed the door and flopped down onto my bed, "You look hot. Is that Ness on the line?"

"Is that Jen?" Nessie said simultaneously. Groaning I slid to the floor and squeezed my phone to my ear as I wriggled into my favourite pair of tiny shorts.

"No way," I snapped before either of them even asked, "You are not talking to each other so you can concoct some evil plan which will probably leave me soaking wet and covered with spaghetti."

"Come _on_," they both cried. "that was one time!"

I let out a stream of curses as Jenna pounced for the phone. Stumbling to my feet I moved backwards hiding the phone behind my back. She smirked triumphantly as she backed me into the wall.

"Give me it," she threatened, "or I will tickle you." I didn't have a moment to breath before her hands were attacking my sides. Crying out I pushed the phone at her in an attempt to escape. She had no idea how much those claws she called nails hurt. Bitch. Hunting the room for my converse I rolled my eyes as Jen screamed into the phone. Stupid, over excited bimbos.

I had known Jen for years, almost as long as I had known Nessie. We were both thrown together as her mother and Em had swapped recipes and giggled about their men. It had gotten worse as we had grown up. We had went through school together. Jen copying my homework at the last minute and dragging me along to dances which bored me to tears, literally. But it was in high school when we were studying for English Lit (well I had been studying while Jen was just around for Em's cooking) that Brady had first set eyes on Jenna. It had been such a relief to divulge all the secrets that I had kept for years. Of course, Jen didn't speak to me for a whole week which in out world is the equivalent to ten years. She got over it quickly enough though. That was Jenna.

But Jen didn't do relationships. She didn't want lingering kisses on the porch step or deep conversations in the middle of the night like I did. No, she wanted to dance on tables at parties and kiss single guys without feeling guilty. Brady was there for her, always. He was the only guy that I had ever seen her reject. Don't get me wrong, they laughed for hours on end and he was obviously completely and utterly in love with her. Jen didn't love him back. Sometimes I wished my feelings for Quil were that black and white. Life would have been a hell of a lot easier. Friendship would have been a hell of a lot easier.

"Don't worry I'll make sure she wears it," Jen was practically screaming her words, I got her point across loud in clear. I pulled my hair back into an elastic and glanced in the mirror one last time I almost looked like myself again. No white bikini visible. My boring, wide face accompanied by no make up seemed to glare back at me. My scuffed converse reminded me of countless treks through the woods hand in hand with Quil and I could still smell the masculine, muddy scent that clung to his sweater. It smelled like home. Just plain Claire.

"Claire," a deep voice called through the door. My heart clenched. There had been days where he would have just barged through but ever since the embarrassing incident where I was only been wearing a towel he had become more cautious. Flinging open the door I fell into his waiting embrace and hid my face in the crook of his neck.

"Save me," I whispered dramatically, "Ness and Jen are trying to abduct me and take me back to their home planet where I would have to endure hours of shopping and spas."

"Sounds like torture," Quil's body shook with laughter as he reached back to pull the elastic out of my hair. I scowled into his chest.

"You have no idea."

Escaping from his tight clutches I slunk into the kitchen and stole a pancake off Uncle Sam's plate. I was the only one who could ever get away with it. Jen made a face as she skipped into the room to see me cram every last piece into my mouth. In my defence, I was starving.

"Can we just go already?" I whined. The sun was blazing through the window, stroking the skin which I had on display. I sighed with contentment. Quil grinned at me from across the kitchen as he leant against the counter. It was unusual for the house to be so quiet, I was eager to get out before Harry or Billy discovered I had vacated my bedroom and decided to cling to my legs for hours.

"Where are you off too?" Em rolled her eyes at Sam's question while Jen tapped her foot impatiently on the table. Although she would deny it I knew she was eager to see Brady. I smiled.

"Cliff diving. Is there anything else to do when the sun is shining in La Push?" I smirked as I sidled up beside Quil and dug my hand into his pocket to look for his keys. Jenna raised her eyebrows at me but I ignored her as Quil ginned at my antics. He knew how much I hated being stuck inside on an unusually sunny day.

"Well…" Sam began.

"Be careful. Don't jump from the highest point without the guys. Wear sun block. No drinking, smoking or flirting with random strangers. And do not under any circumstances break curfew. I know the drill Uncle Sam," I rolled my eyes as I hugged him tightly from behind before dragging Quil from the kitchen. Jen followed close behind us muttering under her breath as always.

Fifteen minutes later I launched myself into Embry's arms as he lounged around in the sun. Jen headed straight for Brady her eyes narrowed. I felt a little sorry for him.

"Ouch Claire bear," Embry laughed, "warn a guy before you tackle him to the ground."

"Embry you're like a tank," I punched his hard stomach to emphasise my point. Closing my eyes I leant back into his arms.

"I love the sun," I said aloud stretching my legs out. Quil sat on the ground with a thud beside us, "if only it was like this all the time."

I had been going to the cliffs since I turned three. In some ways it seemed more like home than Em and Sam's little house. I had my first fight with Quil on the cliffs when he refused to let me jump. Every year my birthday had been celebrated on the cliffs. Ness and I had boy watched on the cliffs. I had cried, laughed, screamed on the cliffs. All of my best and worse memories seemed to takes place on the cliffs.

"You going to jump Claire?" Jen shouted interrupting my thoughts. Opening my eyes I took in the sight of Jen standing in the centre of everyone clad in only a tiny black bikini, no one ever blinked. Although if I looked closely I could see the slight flush under Brady's russet coloured skin. Hugging my stomach tightly I remained where I was in Embry's arms.

"Maybe later," I answered. Or never. Stupid Nessie and her stupid packages from Italy. She was going to be the death of me.

"Are you okay?" Quil frowned at me in concern, "You always jump."

He was right. I heard Collin's yell of delight as he launched himself off the cliff. I loved the rush, the tight feeling that gripped my heart as I found myself suspended in mid air clinging tightly on to Quil for dear life. I lived for sunny days.

"She's fine," Jen snapped, "Come _on_. I want to jump."

Groaning I pushed myself to my feet and shimmied out of my shorts self consciously. Jen looked at me expectantly and I pulled Quil's sweater over my head quickly hoping I could just launch myself off the cliff without anyone seeing my attire. Jen whistled appreciatively while everyone else was silent. Deadly silent.

"Doesn't she look _hot_?" Jen's voice was loud. Way too loud. I heard a choked noise beside me. Turning I felt suddenly self conscious as Quil's eyes burned my skin.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Of course I could count on Embry for the big brother response, "Did Sam see what you were wearing before you left the house?"

I was suddenly glad Quil had pulled my hair down, it covered my flushed cheeks. Quil lowered his eyes and I fought the urge to sigh. Of course he didn't find me desirable, of course I didn't look 'hot' to him. In his eyes I was just a friend. My stomach twisted unpleasantly.

"Nessie," I blurted, "it was Nessie and her stupid ideas."

"That is _so_ not appropriate. Guys are going to think you only want one thing when they see you wearing _that_." That stung a little. He was basically calling me a slut.

"Tell her Quil?" Embry's voice was unusually hard. Tears stung at the corner of my eyes but I blinked them away. Jenna narrowed her eyes as she placed her hands on her hips. I swallowed loudly desperate to jump in the water and cover myself up.

"She looks fine," Quil mumbled still looking at the floor. Fine? Just fine? I was going to kill Nessie. I was going to throw her into a raging bonfire.

"_Damn_," a low voice called. Turning I watched as Collin jogged back up the cliff. I let out a gasp of air as he swooped me up into his arms unexpectedly.

"When did Claire get hot?" he took a step back as if to observe me, "God. You're all grown up and curvy and-"

"_Collin_!" Embry hissed cutting him off. I smiled weakly as Jen came up and held onto my hand tightly. She squeezed it tightly.

"Thank you Collin. She does look hot," Jen agreed strongly, "The rest of you are either blind or gay. Idiots."

I didn't protest as she dragged me towards the cliff edge. Curling my toes over the edge I felt the familiar jolt of fear as I regarded the large drop. Brady moved carefully behind Jenna and wrapped his arms around her tightly. Quil tried to do the same but I brushed him off and resorted to holding his hand instead. The wind slapped me reputedly in my face. I couldn't wait to get in the water and hide the stupid bikini that was causing so much controversy. Stupid, macho wolfs. And meddling Nessie.

"You ready?" Quil whispered lowly. A shiver crept up the length of my spine as he turned to look at me. Gripping his hand tightly the familiar scream got caught in my throat as he pulled us over the age. Jen and I locked eyes. It felt like I was flying.

_Thoughts?_


	3. Carrots and Choices

_I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update and I hope you forgive me. Thank you all so much for your reviews, I love to hear feedback from my readers. Here we go with another chapter. Enjoy…_

Glaring at the carrot before me I slammed the knife down again and again. I bit down hard on my lip as the sharp edge of the knife skimmed my fingers. Stupid bikini. Stupid Nessie. Stupid over protective wolfs. I pressed down harder on the knife.

"Claire?" I let out a curse as someone placed a hand on my shoulder, "Claire hun? Are you alright?"

Swirling round with the knife still in my hand I glared into the soft eyes of my Aunt Em, her lips were curled downwards in an almost rare frown. Letting my arm fall to my side I tried to smile apologetically at her but it came out as more of a grimace. My heart stuttered slightly in my chest as I heard the excited shouts from Harry and Billy as they chased Sam around the garden. I wanted to be young again. To care about nothing but chocolate mud pies and lazy afternoons playing chase with Quil. Being young was simple. It was the growing up part that was a pain in the ass.

"I-I-" I placed the knife on the worktop carefully, "I'm fine. Just tired is all."

"Are you sure? You came back so early today and then barely spoke to the boys when they tried to wind you up. Quil looked worried. Are you sure everything is fine?" Emily leant forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, her voice soft as she regarded me evenly. She had been the best aunt, mother, friend that I could ever have wished for in my life. I hated shutting her out.

Curling my hands into fists I let my nails dig into the palm of my hand as Quil's soft expression flashed in my mind. I hated ignoring him too, hated pushing away his hand when he came near but I could not get rid of the twisting feeling in my gut, the sharp pain in my heart. The feeling of rejection. He had never rejected me before. Truthfully I hadn't thought he could.

"Quil is always worried," I failed to keep the bitter edge out of my voice, "It's his job to protect me, right? To look out for me? To be my best friend?" Wiping my hands furiously on my shorts I ducked my head as I leant against the counter. My head thumped.

"Darling, he loves you," she smiled slightly as if not understanding my dilemma. Of course she didn't. My Uncle adored her, peppered her with kisses. His love for her was unconditional, like Quil's was for me but there was a spark between Sam and Emily. A gold chord that seemed to glow as they looked into each others eyes. I wanted that. I wanted what they had but I would not be selfish, I couldn't.

"How do you know that? How does he even know that? He hasn't dated in over a decade!" It felt surprisingly freeing to get all my emotions out in the open, to tell Emily what had been swimming around my head for years.

"You want him to date?" Emily's face was twisted with confusion as she placed a calming hand on my arm again. The thought of Quil turning up with another girl by his side filled my mind, a nauseous feeling clawed at my insides. Imagining him holding another girl close to his chest, smiling only for her made me want to find the nearest toilet and vomit.

"I don't know," I finally said, "I don't really know anything, do I? I've grown up with this absurd, magical family. Quil's adoration seems normal to me. Too normal. This should be strange Em, I want-" I broke off suddenly as if afraid of my own thoughts.

"What do you want darling?" her eyes were kind. My tongue darted out to lick my dry lips as I curled my hands into fists. In the distance I heard the slight grumble of a car as it came up the driveway.

"I just want him to love me for me-"

"But he does. You know how imprinting works. It's a gradual thing. The adoration he feels for you, the love that's a gradual thing. Not something the imprint can force upon him," Her voice was insistent, almost terrified that I could think such abnormal thoughts. Maybe I was over reacting. Or maybe I had never really fit in amongst the wonderful magic that seemed to consume the Uley household. Maybe I was just playing the part that had been thought up for me before I could even make my own decisions.

"Yeah well," I wiped my palms on my shorts as I glanced out of the window to see Sam throwing Harry onto his back, "Maybe it would be easier to accept his love without the imprint. Maybe I just want to date and have some normal experiences for just a little while."

Before Emily had the chance to speak I turned and walked out of the front door. My gut twisted as Quil's laughing eyes met mine, they immediately darkened. Brady messed up his hair on his way past as I flopped down to sit on the porch steps. Naturally Quil joined me.

"Hey," I breathed out a sigh of relief as his hands found mine. As always his presence was comforting, his warmth was draped around me like my own personal blanket. Perhaps I had hidden beneath it for too long.

"Are you alright?" his thumb rubbed soothing circles on my hand as he spoke, "You've been too quiet today."

"Did you ever think about dating while I was growing up," I blurted suddenly. Beside me he seemed to stiffen as I turned to face him. His eyes searched mine as if unsure of my question. Around us spits of rain began to fall to the ground. It was absurd how quickly the weather could change in La Push, it put me on edge.

"Never," his voice was hard as he squeezed my hand again. As expected he had answered with one word. Over the years I had realised it was his way to end a conversation, his way of telling me that he didn't want to talk about a subject at that particular moment. Normally I let him get away with it. Normally.

"Don't you think that's strange?" I almost whispered.

"All my time was spent patrolling. Any free time I had I wanted to spend with you," he sounded unusually vulnerable, his eyes seemed to burn a hole in the side of my face. I never wanted to hurt him, I couldn't live with myself if I did.

"But we're just friends," the word felt wrong in my mouth, like a bad taste that I couldn't get rid of, "Don't you wish you had went out and met girls? Do you want to?" Instantly I wanted him to tell me off for being silly, that of course he loved me, of course he spent every day thinking about how my lips would taste against his, of course he didn't want to meet other girls.

"I don't want to meet other girls. But yes," he sighed as he looked out into the distance, "We're just friends. But I'm happy, aren't you?"

It was the gap I had been wanting for months, the silence to fill where I would tell him how my feelings had come to develop for him. How I had been thinking only of him and his lazy smile as I had kissed fish boy. He was all I wanted. But he didn't want me, not yet, because he didn't think I was ready. He couldn't fall for me on his own. He couldn't take the first step out of fear of hurting me. Everything was always about me all the time. Maybe for once I just wanted it to be about him, about his true feelings.

He was always expected to love me. He was always expected to look after me when the rest of the world was busy. Maybe if all the expectations were gone he wouldn't need me quite so much. I knew I would still need him, that was where the problem lay, or more specifically the magic. And I loathed it.

Magic wasn't Princes and Princesses with happy endings as I had grown up believing. It was cruel. It dictated my whole life. It ruined Quil's life- forced him to look after a four year old girl and turn into a wolf in the blink of an eye. Magic was all about expectations, and I was sick fed up of them. Magic was the scars on Emily's face and Leah's cold, bitter heart. But magic was also the ghost of Quil's lips on my forehead and the feeling of warmth that grabbed my heart whenever he was near. But that was all it was, just magic.

Instead of voicing these thoughts I found myself slipping back into the familiar role, the role that had been destined for me before I was even born, before free will even came into the equation. I rested my head in the crook of Quil's neck, inhaling his familiar pine scent.

"Yeah," I lied, "I'm happy."

Sitting there with Quil made me more determined to be me, the real me. Maybe he would fall in love with the real Claire, the one that he had failed to see in front of him for so long. My heart squeezed almost painfully tight in my chest at the thought of him throwing caution to the wind and falling inanely in love with me without the push of the imprint.

"I'm going to go on a date with someone," I murmured abruptly, "I think you should too."

I had a plan. It was stupid, reckless and possibly had the potential to break my heart but I had to know the truth. Could I fall in love with someone else? Could he? Maybe we had taken each other for granted for too long. Maybe facing reality head on instead of hiding in the shadows of magic would show us how wrong everyone else in the world was for us, how perfect we were for each other. I hoped.

Taking a deep breath I took out my phone to call Nessie. I had a feeling I was going to need her help.

What had I just done?

_Thoughts? _


End file.
